At a vigal for survival we had time to reflect on what was happening in Copenhagen

Friday night, half an hour after Obama’s press conference was met with a stunned silence all over Copenhagen, I found myself back at the conference centre.

This time not on the inside, but standing outside at the exit. Standing in minus three degrees, with the snow falling thickly, alongside hundreds of other young climate activists from around the world.

We were there to say no to the people inside. What Obama had just given us was not good enough. In fact it was worse than anything we had ever dared to imagine. Worse than we had come to Copenhagen with just two weeks before.

We were there because we were angry.

We still have some confusion as to what Copenhagen actually delivered, with different people painting it in different ways.

But the way I see it, and the way the other young people who stood with me on Friday night see it, it is simple…

We have nothing.

We have an ‘accord’ (what does that even mean!) which binds no one to do anything. At the very simplest level we have no binding commitments of emission reductions!

We have a situation where a select group of countries bypassed the UN system and betrayed the rest of the world, then held them to ransom.

They held an exclusive meeting where they decided they could not agree on what everyone was asking for, so they would propose something much weaker. Then tell everyone else this is all they would sign up to and if they wanted money they should sign too.

We have seen this deal be painted in many different ways and blame for it thrown anywhere it will stick.

But for young people around the world it is simple, whoever’s to blame.

It is not good enough.

It does not ensure us a future on this planet.

And that’s why we were outside the conference centre on Friday night.

But as I stood there, the whole crowd chanting around me, shouting at the top of their voices, I found myself getting quieter and quieter. I felt disconnected from everything that was going on.

I was numb.

Numb that this could actually have happened.

I was scared.

Scared of what this meant for our world, scared of what it meant for me and the rest of my life.

As I stood there silently my friend turned round and saw me. She grabbed my hand, held it and we stood there together, holding hands. Her shouting at the top of her lungs, me silent.

Holding hands, even in the face of my deepest emotions I had the courage to remain there, the courage to keep fighting.

We did not get what we wanted, what we needed, from Copenhagen. But we maybe we did get something to build on. And I’m not talking about Obama’s accord.

At Copenhagen we saw courage on many levels.

We saw the courage of vulnerable countries like Tuvalu to stand up for themselves and be heard.

We saw the courage of civil society to raise their voices and be counted in the face of many difficulties.

We saw the courage of individuals to keep fighting.

And this courage is so important.

Because coming out of Copenhagen with so little, courage is what we need now. To fight climate change requires more courage than maybe we have ever witnessed before.

The courage to continue even in the face of failure.

The courage to keep fighting even with the hugeness of the task at hand.

The courage to stand up and be counted whoever you are, however powerful you think you are.

The courage to imagine and build a beautiful and amazing future TOGETHER.

The courage to believe that this is still possible.

Copenhagen may be over, but the fight goes on.

It will take courage to win, but with courage we can, and we will.

Having been shut out of the negotiations this is how the trackers are following the action now.

Physically
Emotionally
Psychologically

Exhausted

Here in Copenhagen the negotiations are still going on. As we can’t get into the actual negotiations we are all sat in a room in the city centre watching them on a big screen.

But no one really seems to know what’s going on.

Including the people at the negotiations.

Yvo just told everyone there to watch the monitors to find out where the next meeting will be at 10pm!

Then 2 min later he came back to say, no it will be 11pm, so maybe now would be a good time to go get food…seriously.

He looked pretty tired and confused.

These talks are on a downward spiral. Any hope we have had over the last few months is fading. Not a single leader has delivered any leadership….

As the talks continue on way into the night what we are looking at getting out of them is weaker than anything we ever imagined two weeks ago.

Fair, ambitious, binding…..

Not a single one of our demands is looking likely.

Of course we can’t really know exactly what we will get, because at the final hour everything is now going on behind closed doors. But the mood in the rooms we have access to, both inside and outside the conference centre, is defiantly not one of hope.

As the night goes on, all we can say for certain though, is that we just don’t know.

It’s going to be a long night.

Exhaustion will have to wait.

Numb

That’s the only word I have to describe how I feel at the minute.

Numb, that today on what is (or should be…) the last day in Copenhagen we are nowhere near where we need to be to secure us a future on our planet.

Not frustrated, not angry, not sad or depressed.

Simply numb.

We just had Obama deliver his speech to the UN.

It changed nothing.

Obama made a nice speech as always, he said the time for talking was over and that it is time to act. But he didn’t offer us anything that would start the action.

We have seen some developments in the last couple of days. The USA have come out with numbers on finance in line with what Gordon Brown said weeks ago. China has made some positive moves on transparency and we have resolved to continue working in two sections thus keeping the Kyoto Protocol.

But on the very basics of what we are doing here. On stopping runaway climate change. We have not done enough.

This whole UNFCCC process makes it seem so complicated.

It’s not.

We need to change the way we live and we need to do it now.

If the politics are what is stopping us doing this then it’s time to change the politics.

But as we watch leader after leader troop across the stage and make statements it’s hard to imagine this change, hard to imagine another way.

And that’s why I’m numb.

Numb because this process has overwhelmed me.

Numb because I have put so much of myself into this process I don’t feel like me anymore.

Numb because the change we need to see seems so far away right now.

Numb because I don’t know what more I can do to change this.

But maybe today numb is better.

Yesterday was our last chance to make our voices heard inside the negotiations.

Yesterday was the last day we were allowed into the negotiations in Copenhagen. The world leaders have turned up and access for civil society to these negotiations is now severely restricted.

So yesterday we had to make a statement.

In fact yesterday lots of people made statements.

The negotiations here are in crisis. What we have on the table now, is actually worse than anything we have had over these last 6 months. It’s a jumbled mess that just isn’t anywhere near what we need.

Very late last night (more on that later) we bumped into Ed, he made his feelings about how all this is going quite clear…he thinks it is going terribly! I like a politician with a bit of honesty.

But even though this is the case, even though they are delaying and suspending negotiating sessions for hours, even though we are getting nowhere, yesterday they started the high level summit. For the first few hours this basically meant lots of leaders got up and made a statement.

It’s ridiculous.

It doesn’t get us anywhere. It’s frustrating and mind numbing to see. The feelings of despair this whole process brings up in me are like someone reaching inside me and grabbing my insides tight. If I dwell on where we are actually at in the negotiations for too long, I return to the state of immobility that has been haunting me for much of this week.

But yesterday the leaders weren’t the only ones making statements.

Yesterday a lot of people both inside and outside the conference centre made statements.

Yesterday people from around the world including many friends of mine joined together to try and reclaim power. Thousands tried to get into the conference centre area from the outside and hundreds left the conference centre to join them half way. Here they held a people’s forum. They took politics and money off the table and instead brought rights and respect. They made a statement about who and what these negotiations should really be about.

Yesterday the youth in the conference centre also made a statement. Yesterday at 5pm we sat down in the main hall of the conference centre and we started reading names.

The names we read were just some of the 11 million people who have raised their voice for a fair, ambitious and binding deal here in Copenhagen. We intended to sit for as long as possible, to read as many of the names as we could.

At one point some of the group were forcibly moved by security, but we continued to sit peacefully and read the names.

We said we would not leave until our calls, and the calls of the 11 million people, were heard.

We sat for 9 hours in total, it was inspiring to be a part of. The feeling of solidarity amongst both us, and others who came over was so powerful to feel. In the end we negotiated to leave peacefully at 2 30 in the morning. We agreed to leave because we did not want to risk the limited civil society participation we have left in these negotiations for the next couple of days.

We left slowly and quietly in a single file line.

We left because we had made our statement.

We left our future in their hands.

Decisions are now being made about us, without us.

But just as we were in the last few minutes of the sit in, the final few people in the building were leaving. As we watched them pass I recognised one.

It was Jan!

She smiled at me as she walked past, then, as she got to the end of the corridor, she turned round, caught my eye and smiled again. I like to think she was proud.

As we walked out I passed her and stopped for a chat. We discussed how hard the negotiations are in the state they are in, and I said goodbye.

Then without me even asking she said

“I promise we’re still really trying.”

And you know,

I believed her.

I’m going to miss Jan!

We are on the penultimate day of Copenhagen and today I can only wish her well.

Today I needed some time to reflect

Today I was immobilised, I’m not sure why.

I know part of it is fear.

Fear of the next few days. Fear of the outcomes of these negotiations. Fear of what’s going to happen around Copenhagen, of what part I will play.

Fear of the future these negotiations are creating.

Part of it is also complete disempowerment. Today I was stuck on the outside, no second pass for me. So as all my tracker buddies updated you from inside I was out in the snow.

But much more than that, the disempowerment comes from what I saw yesterday going on inside the negotiations, and the reports I heard coming back today. As we race towards the end of Copenhagen the process is becoming less and less transparent. Civil society is being blocked out. Thousands of people, stakeholders in these negotiations, are literally waiting outside in the cold.

Even though these decisions are about our future.

No decisions about us, without us!

Along with the disempowerment that comes from not even being allowed in the conference, the UN process is still, just not seeming to get anywhere. Sessions are being suspended and delayed all over the place. Groups are refusing to take part in different sessions for different reasons and the very reason we are all here seems to have been forgotten.

What happened to building this beautiful, amazing world TOGETHER?

I just don’t know what I can do, how I can change this.

So many of us have been working so hard for so long. We have literally put our whole lives into this and we are being blocked out at the final hour, blocked out when this process needs pushing forward most of all.

This morning all this combined caused the panic to rise inside me, mentally and physically. It literally immobilised me so I couldn’t do anything. I was useless.

In the afternoon I managed to calm it a little. I tried to step away from this situation, this process a little and evaluate where I am.

I went outside in the snow. I saw our beautiful world.

And this evening I am calmer. The rising panic subsided a little. Time spent really talking with the young people here who have through this all, become some of my closest friends, has helped me to accept what I can do and what I cannot. Helped me to see that whatever happens over the next few days, as long as I have done everything I physically and emotionally can then I can be calm in myself. Helped me to see that this is about so much more than this conference. It is about building a movement to change the world.

Yesterday I finally spoke to Jan. My cunning and yet non tactical plan worked (well that and a handy phone call from Josh which sent me literally sprinting across the conference centre). She seemed a little on edge too. She told me how hard Ed was working, getting very little sleep. Maybe she almost also seemed a little disempowered. I wonder what effect the fact that Ed and now Gordon Brown have arrived has had on her. After all it is her who has been working on this process for so long.

But I hope she too can feel calm and empowered over the next few days. Because she still has a hugely important role to play in all of this.

As for me, tomorrow I have a pass, tomorrow I am back inside. Tomorrow is the last day we can have a significant civil society presence in the conference centre. Tomorrow is also the day action on the outside is set to build.

Tomorrow we have another chance to change the world.

Tomorrow I hope I can remain calm.

Tactics in the negotiations, tactics out on the streets, everyone is playing a tactical game.

Tactics

-the means used to gain an objective.

Tactics

I hate them.

If we were all more open, more honest. If we had some cards laid on the table we might just get somewhere.

But no, we’re all using tactics.

The countries, the protestors, the NGOs, the police. Everyone is planning their tactics for every move they make here in Copenhagen.

From the EU holding back their numbers on finance, to NGOs deciding when and where to call countries out, to the police detaining hundreds of protestors at a peaceful protest. Even the way the media portray everything that’s going on here, from the negotiations to the protests…

It’s all about tactics.

And when it’s all about the tactics, it’s not about the best deal for our world.

Does it have to be this way?

As week two of these negotiations start, imagine if everyone put down their tactics and brought this honesty to the table.

Tactics are what we use when we want to manipulate a situation to our advantage.

But the UN works on a consensus system. For consensus to truly work everyone must leave behind their personal gains and work for the gains of the greater group.

That’s why the system isn’t working. Not because the system is screwed but because the players aren’t playing it properly.

We have 5 days of negotiations left here. 5 days of action in Copenhagen.

If we were all honest with each other we could avoid a lot of the situations that could cause conflict this week, both inside and outside the conference centre.

It’s time to put less effort into discussions on tactics and more effort into discussions on the fate of our world.

And I will begin this charge by officially giving up tactically planning where to bump into Jan. It hasn’t worked so far, I’ve just spent a lot of time running around and not seeing her.

So now’s the time to try another way.

Today I shall go about my business and hope I just bump in to her around the conference centre.

Let the tactics end and the progress begin.

As the first week comes to an end things are getting difficult for everyone in Copenhagen.

Things have got hard.

In the tracking, in the conference, in Copenhagen.

Tracking wise it’s pretty impossible at the moment. Ed’s arrived and so Jan’s got more on her hands, most of the meetings are now closed and her schedule is pretty hectic. I’ve been trying to catch her between sessions but this place is huge. I must have run all over the conference centre today and continuously missed her at several different locations. Nothing like arriving somewhere 5 min after the person your looking for has left to add to frustration levels.

Maybe it’s time to hang around in the toilets. I mean she HAS to go in there at some point right….

But the entire conference has suddenly got more difficult as well. There are loads more people here, which just makes the practicalities of getting around harder, and the ques a million times longer. There’s tension in the air, everyone’s on edge and no one seems to quite know what to do because they can’t go into negotiations.

Everyone’s also really tired. Everywhere you look in the conference centre there’s people having a nap. I joined them in fact for 40 winks just before, as did the man across from us, who caused great distraction and much amusement during the filming of a video for Andrea by starting to snore VERY loudly.

Outside of the conference centre in Copenhagen itself things have also started to get tense. The police have suddenly stepped up their presence, one of our youth delegates has already been searched for no reason, and from news filtering in there have been several minor clashes today around the city.

Suddenly it all seems to have got a lot harder.

We are at the end of the first week of negotiations and we’ve seen very little progress.

Tomorrow we will take to the streets, to show the people sitting in these rooms just how much we want this. I will join with young people from all over the world and I along with thousands of others will do it peacefully.

The world will look to Copenhagen and we will bring their messages from all over the world to this centre, to those sitting in rooms deciding our future.

But as the second week dawns there’s lots of uncertainty, both inside and outside the conference. And that’s hard.

This is all pretty hard.

But we have to do it.

This is why.

You dont need to yell to be powerful, sometimes speaking softly is better.

Yesterday was emotionally one of the best days I have ever had at the UN. It was quite exciting too…in a UN way!

Now don’t get too excited. No the UN did not save the world, no there wasn’t any huge developments, no we haven’t suddenly seen the EU go to 40% by 2020.

But there was an exciting negotiating session, and on a personal level I engaged with the UN in a way I have been trying to do for a long time.

Yesterday morning in the plenary session Tuvalu again stood up and said they did not want to continue with the way forward proposed, instead they wanted to continue negotiating on a proposal they had brought to the table. China responded and said they didn’t want to do it that way. Then half the room took to the floor in support of either Tuvalu or China. Finally the chair stopped countries just speaking to support a proposal, temporarily suspended the session and gathered all the group leaders in a corner to huddle and try and find a way forward…

Yes you heard me right, they huddled in the corner!

After 20 min they returned to their seats for us only to be told that they hadn’t managed to reach consensus on a way forward  and that the session would have to be completely suspended.

All very exciting! (though if they could speak with a little more emotion and performance it would be more exciting to actually watch)

I had a quick chat with Harry (our UK negotitor who was there at the time) after, and dramatic though these developments seemingly are, she said Jan and the team were still calm and that things were ok, so we shall just have to see how things develop.

But the message we are seeing from all these countries speaking out, and from countries like Tuvalu taking such action, is that they are serious, and they are powerful. They will not be walked over by larger countries. They are here to fight for their survival, and they will fight with everything they have.

And it’s not just the delegates who are fighting with everything they have.

We are too.

But fighting does not have to be aggressive, does not have to be violent.

Yesterday I took part in two of the most powerful and beautiful things I have ever done at the UN.

The first was an action by youth from small island states supported by youth from around the world. We created a human rainstorm in the conference centre, with just our bodies. We made the halls fall silent as through sound we brought the force of nature into the conference. We then heard two young people from small islands speak emotionally of their fight for survival, before finishing with a call and response.

we. WE
will. WILL
not. NOT
die. DIE
quietly.

It was beautiful, calm and yet overwhelmingly powerful.

I then went with my UK youth delegates to meet up with the Kenyan youth delegates here. We paired our delegations a few months ago to share stories, experiences and ultimately become friends and connect our world together as one.

We met under a tree in the conference centre, just as the Kenyans have their meetings under a tree in Nairobi, and we forgot about the UN system for an hour. Instead we connected, we mingled and we sung and danced…

…right in front of the main plenary.

It wasn’t an action, we had no explicit message. We were just singing and dancing as young people, as friends coming together. Because that’s what makes us feel alive.

But the sound of our singing echoed through the vast area we were in and quietly infiltrated into the hundreds of peoples thoughts sitting around in the area.

We took the power. We reclaimed the space. We made it ours. Quiet, happy, peaceful and hopeful.

We brought art, music and life into the UN.

We showed what it means to truly work together, to truly unite nations.

We showed there are many ways to be powerful.

And yesterday the UN and my soul were much better for it.

The atmospere was radically different yesterday! Photo credit: Robert Van Waarden

For the first couple of days of Copenhagen I was confused. The place was so normal. The atmosphere so calm. I wanted to stand on a table and just yell,

“This is Copenhagen people!”

Yesterday things changed. Yesterday it felt like it really began.

And by the end of the day the atmosphere in the conference centre had changed dramatically.

Things have shifted here, and I’m pretty sure shifted for good.

This shift was brought about yesterday morning by the actions of Tuvalu. In plenary they spoke up to say they couldn’t continue negotiating unless the legality of what comes out of Copenhagen was discussed, and that a legally binding deal is what they expect to be signing next Friday. The discussions that followed cause the process to be suspended and though they resumed in the afternoon they had to continue with a different section of the negotiations as the situation with the legality had still not been resolved.

This action by Tuvalu didn’t just cause the negotiations to become tenser but also the hallways too. As people came out in support of Tuvalu and the most vulnerable countries the atmosphere changed here and the ante was really upped.

Yesterday all over the conference centre unofficial actions broke out. In the strange world of the UN you have to apply to the UN to do ‘actions’, ie speak your mind/show your cause in the hallways. Up until now most people have been abiding by these rules.

Yesterday we said enough is enough. We are here, we want to be heard and we don’t want to play by the UN rules anymore. There was a mass action outside plenary in support of Tuvalu. Mini actions all over the place especially by the African youth here (those guys rock my world!) and just general upping of the visibility and loudness of activists in the conference centre.

With of course the inevitable upping of security that comes with.

As worrying as that is, at least I can finally say and feel, that..

This is Copenhagen people!

I hope Jan and the rest of the negotiators feel this too.

Let’s hope we can keep this atmosphere up.

Let’s hope it’s time for the real shift to begin.