When words fail…

And so it begins.

Copenhagen is a reality.

Except maybe it doesn’t feel like it. And if it does, then me trying to explain to you this reality is something I’m really struggling with.

Jan walked past me three times today and I didn’t stop her to say hello.

Hold on I hear you say, what’s happened to my tracker skills!

I guess all I can say is sorry, I didn’t stop Jan because I still simply didn’t have the words.

I just didn’t know what to say to her.

When people talked to me today and asked me how I was doing I made a strange noise.

It’s not that I’m utterly depressed, that the negotiations are already going badly. It’s simply that I don’t know what to think anymore. And if I can’t get it straight in my head then I certainly can’t put it into words.

Copenhagen…

It’s been this huge thing on the horizon for so long, it’s been the time when we solve all this, when we realise the world isn’t so screwed anymore and that it might just be ok.

But on day one here I’m struggling to believe in this anymore. It doesn’t feel that different to any of the other negotiations. Yes, there’s more people. Yes, there’s a sense of apprehension, of excitement, of maybe something will happen. But really we are still stuck in process, stuck in politics that are not delivering anywhere near what we need, however well the words are dressed up.

Thousands of people are all here running around like crazy, but what are we really doing?

Will what we are calling for even really change the world?

I don’t want to not believe in change though. I don’t want to give up hope.

That’s why I’m struggling so much here on day one. The UN does not inspire optimism, but I am an optimist.

Being here has the ability to reach right into my soul and affect the things I hold sacred.

My belief in the power of good, of trust, of love, of life, of laughter.

The negotiations are not going badly, things happened today, countries made good statements, there were mutterings of things happening that could change these negotiations.

But whatever happens in Copenhagen I’m not sure I believe in the power of these negotiations to change the world.

Don’t get me wrong, I 100% believe we can change the world.

I’m just not sure I can believe we’re going to do it here.

So I can only apologise. Finding words to describe what’s going on and how I’m feeling is not coming easy.

But the tracker team have had a kind of anthem over the last few negotiations. When things get bad, we like to sing Bob Marley.

Don’t Worry
About a thing
‘Cause every little thing
gonna be alright

And the guy playing the guitar where we are sitting, has just started playing it..

I have no words, at the minute but I do have music.

And that’s helping bring my thoughts together like nothing else today.

I guess I can only see what tomorrow brings.

There has to be hope yet!