Guest post by Natalie Jones
WARSAW – Poland’s Prime Minister Donald Tusk undertook a major cabinet reshuffle today, firing several ministers including Environment Minister Marcin Korolec.
Tusk said he appointed “the fossil fuel industry” as the new Minister for the Environment, citing a long and enduring history of cooperation between the industry and government.
“This is great news for the country – we have made a historic step forward today. We expect shale gas, in particular, to have a great influence on the economy and public health.”
“Best of all, the industry can now set its own fossil fuel subsidies. Everyone knows that the more subsidies, the healthier the market. The Polish people will love those low fuel prices too. ”
To concerns about climate change, he said, “Climate change is actually a natural phenomenon that has been occurring for many thousands of years. Our coal is really very clean – and, hey, the Arctic melt will be a great opportunity for oil exploration!”
When questioned about the practicalities of this move Tusk said, “Obviously there’ll be some teething problems. We’re not sure how the entire industry will be able to sit in on Cabinet meetings. Maybe we can use the climate conference plenary hall once they’ve finished with it. In fact, it’s not like anything’s happening there right now – we can probably just take it.”
The industry praised Tusk’s ongoing commitment to fossil fuel exploration and economic growth.
“The first proposal on our agenda is to rename Poland ‘Coaland’. We feel this more accurately represents the Polish - or should we say Coalish - peoples’ identity and desires.”
Korolec is sad to go, saying that he “did not expect” this move due to his “close partnership” with the fossil fuel industry in the lead-up to the climate talks.
“After all I’ve done for the industry, this kind of repayment is very disappointing.”
This article is written satirically and is not intended to accurately represent recent news.