World Cup All Stars of the UNFCCC

Goalkeeper: Juan Hoffmaister (Bolivia)

Skill: Keeping the damages to a minimum

I don’t know what it is about the Bolivian delegation, but it seems that Mother Earth has blessed them with an ability to stay calm, and keep it together under pressure. That’s exactly what “The Hoffmaister” brings, every time he steps into to defend the goals of G77+China. He can adapt to any situation, has kept a clean sheet here in Bonn, and was critical in the over-time penalty shoot-out over Loss and Damage last year. Goals will be hard to come by with this man in the net.

Left Back: Xolisa Ngwadla

Skill: Keeping things Equitable

Xolisa may not be the fiercest contender, but his quiet passion for keeping things moving will be critical to this team working together. We need someone to keep things solid on the left flank, and he is a perfect; fast, progressive, and never asks for the limelight.

Expect him to make a few solo runs up the left, pushing the defensive line up while not getting caught out stranded in attack. Nominated for being “great on equity” by a vast array of his peers, he was one of the first picked for this year’s All Star team, and will be a key player to watch as the we move into 2015.

Centre Back: Bernarditas Muller (The Philippines)

Skill: Controlling possession.

The fiercest defender the UNFCCC has ever seen. Bernaditas “The Enforcer” Muller leads from the back, and is never afraid of standing up to attackers twice her size and GDP. Known for stealing possession and controlling the ball from the back, Bernaditas set a UNFCCC record here in Bonn, single-handedly holding onto the mic for 17.3 per cent of the ADP.

After years of experience, she still is one of the most energetic players in the UNFCCC and continues to strike fear in the headphones of any attackers trying to cross her Red Lines. A true classic competitor - the Pele of the UNFCCC. While known as a fiery contender on the field, she truly is a saint off the pitch. If you come up against her in one-on-one Contact, not even the Co-chairs will be able to save you. But if you get the chance to meet her off the pitch, prepare to…”aww”.

Her negotiating secret: Power naps and Swiss Chocolate.

Centre Back: Fatuma Mohamed Hussein (Kenya)

Skill: Always tries to understand her team

Joining Bernaditas in defense is the cool, calm and collected Fatuma Mohamed Hussein. She has an eagle’s eye for deceptive attackers trying to change the game, but her real skill is her ability to listen to her teammates, and ignite their collective energy moving forward. Described as a “well-grounded person” her height will be a key asset defending against the taller attackers leading into Lima and Paris. However, perhaps her greatest asset will be maintaining morale throughout the World Cup.

Right Back: Burhan Gafoor (Singapore)

Skill: Always pushing things forward.

An attacking defender, Skillfully unlocks the potential of his midfielders with a wonderful passing game, while also being known to magically navigate difficult situations with ease. His wisdom has been critical to the team over the years, and is a great example for some of the younger rising stars.

No matter how late into the game, or how far behind the team might seem, Burhan is always known for coming up with creative ways of inspiring his teammates. While Fatuma will be critical for organising things from the back, Burhan will be her go-to-man when she needs some creative inspiration.

Left Wing: Ms Olai Uludong (Nauru)

Skill: Flower Power

For such a small country, Nauru is certainly playing well above its coastline. Largely thanks to Ms Olai Uludong, a wonderfully talented left winger ready to stand out and take on the defence of developed nations with a lovely sense of grace and Island charm. A wonderful reminder of the life we’re all fighting for.

Centre Midfield: Andres Pirazzoli (Chile)

Skill: Sharing possession

This fine Chilean wine was nominated “for his humour and humanity”, his “imagination”, his mention of “intergenerational equity,” but mainly because, he is “pretty dishy”. Putting the “spicy hot” back into into Chilean cuisine, this soft-eyed soul seeker puts a smile on all who greet him, but also has been known as a key bridge-builder between an often divided team.

His leadership will be key to the team moving forward, and his ability to skilfully pass the ball around will be key. He’s definitely shares a name with Spain’s Andrés Iniesta for a reason, but it seems that by the end of the week, there are a few negotiators wishing for just one more contact group with this informal bridge-builder.

Centre Midfield: Alfa Seyni Nafo (Mali)

Skill: Utility player

First on many people’s lips here in UNFCCC is ‘Senyi’. This Malian magician has charmed his way into the hearts of many of his peers, and impressed the rest of us with his athleticism on the pitch. Look out for his finesse and his ability to adapt to any defensive line.

This player has a lot of experience coming up against fierce opponents who have underestimated his ability in the past…but now known as one of the magic makers in the UNFCCC. If there is ever going to be a way forward on finance, expect this man’s deft passing game, and long range shots to be responsible.

Right Wing: Kasia Snyder(Poland)

Skill: Underdog achiever

A controversial inclusion into this year’s All Star team is Kasia from Poland. After years of hard-earned progress within the EU, Kasia has been trying her earnest to put the team back on the attack. A shining light for the future in what will be a critical EU block moving forward, Kasia is known for strong runs up the right hand side and pin-point crosses back into the middle.

She will be a key attacking force if this team is going to be able to score goals in the future. Leading into Lima and Paris, the midfield will be looking for Kasia to ignite the attack, and deliver some carefully crafted balls into the goal square. Look to her for a way forward on what could be a challenging road ahead.

Forward: Ian Fr (Tuvalu)

Skill: Setting up for the score

This Bot-tie bearing Freedom Fighter from of the Pacific has played some critical hands in the past, and is a worthy inclusion in this year’s front line. One of the most powerful attacking forces with the fierceness to stand and deliver, look the goal-scoring golden boots Mr. Fry to connect up with Olai Oludin on the left, and some long balls from Bernarditas at the back.

This man is always the hunt for goals, but also known for igniting those around him. Look for him to selflessly set-up victory from the jaws of defeat with one of his strategic miracles.

Striker: Yeb Sano (The Philippines)

Hardly needing an introduction, this climate crusader has fired up the engine room of the UNFCC, and forced it into the media limelight. Never an issue too small, or negotiation too hard, he’s been running all over the place this week in Bonn, building off his success in Doha and Warsaw. Though this well-groomed warrior looks a little skinnier these days, and has lost some protein in his finely combed mane, but expect big things from this strong-willed, big hearted battler. Just don’t expect lunch…at least not on1st of the month.

Utility player: Maria Laura (Colombia)

Skill: great at getting the whole team involved

Maria Laura has shown that she can unite a team when it might be falling apart. This is exactly what we need off the bench. Expect her to come into the game in the 2nd half, and give the whole side a lift with her brilliant passing game and midfield play.

Rising Star: Anniete Cohn-Lois (Dominican Republic)

Skill: Fiery off the bench

This fiery Latina is just the spark we will need off the bench. A rising star in the UNFCCC, she has been ferocious on Article 6 this week, and could be the driving force behind greater stakeholder participation in the future, especially on the CAN dance floors. Expect her to deliver some fast-paced final minutes off the bench, catching tired defenders napping, and winning fans on both sides of the grandstand.

Assistant Coach: Atif AlJemaili (Kuwait)

This imposing inclusion warrior impressed every non-english speaker this week, calling for an end to the ongoing acronymization and phraseology of the UNFCCC, ADP, WS2. He’s also a champion of inclusion, and won’t let anyone in this team have to wait outside, stand at the back, or sit on the ground. Word is he might have some expert advice for Juan in Goals, but I’m sure he’ll be able to share his passion with the whole team. We’ll need an inclusion specialist to get everyone moving in the same direction.

Coach: SBSTA chair Emmanuel Dlamini

What a lovely guy. Managing things from he back of the Africa Group last year, this guy knows how to deal with diversity. What’s more, he does it in such a lovely, gentle-grandfatherly manner that we are sure he’ll be perfect to manage some of the hotter temper’s in the team. We’re also hoping he’ll bring some of his scientific backing into strategy decisions moving forward.